...odd, it feels, when one has SO much to say and state, about too much disparate and disjointed krap that one doesn't know what to say.....

There is a phase/stage where one spins in circles, flapping BigTime when one comes to terms with Reality and what's actually happening ...
...and then one takes a breath, calms down and starts to place stuff in order...

...and issues build up, too scared to confront them; for fear of failing, of fucking up, of saying too much ...of being obtuse and laying a guilt trip...
Life is a journey, they say... Hell is the journey, Heaven is the destination... apparently.

"I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours, but I think that god has a sick sense of humour. And if I die, I expect to find him laughing"  Depeche Mode [I think]

Personally, this god bloke isn't very smart!