Sometimes just going outside to check the mail is an effort...

  Sometimes the only reason for not ...just dying, is that my flat is too much of a mess for Family to easily tidy up. 
The main reason I don't kill myself... It'd upset family. ...and all that money my EX insisted upon, I still pay... No good topping myself and losing money I could've spent on booze drugs and sex! 
I'm really incoherent of a lot of stuff like "what if I stop paying life insurance??" ...do I get it back? Does it remain, minus charges....? Yeah, nah... fuck. 

The only reason I eat is... I don't want to die slowly of malnutrition. ...and there's something on the horizon... surely!
...And honestly, I like cooking and chewing, but oftentimes... it's a chore and barely worth the effort.  

Smiling benignly, I've got to admit, I don't vomit as much in the morning, nor before I need to go out. Black tea for a few days is easier than going to get milk. I've UHT in "war-stores" and sometimes use that, to rotate stock... but usually I'll wait a day or three... Until I'm ready to go out. 
Sober-enough to go out, is an issue... Every morning, after sleeping too much lately... a new trick, time asleep is time Not-Awake... every morning, in preparedness for work... I'm ready and able... But.... 
Of all the applications, dozens maybe a hundred.... Some say "The position has closed"; nice of you to tell me, thanks. The others... If you're not on a Reducing-Queue or Short List... You'll hear Fuck-All! ...from people who are 'Advertising Agents' ...'Job-search facilitators' ...'Recruiting agents' ...who have NO real function other than to relieve a "Boss" of hiring somebody ... Which I'd've thought would be the job of a real Boss or the best underling... Surely, really? 

 Font size: Largest... Thank me later for ease of reading, with a nice Verdana font...