It's a bit shit, when you can't decide between "can't be bothered/too cold" or... my gear is in rag-order and I'll make it worse if I lube up and put it on.... 
So... I do a lot of vinyl and PVC because it's easier.... 

I must fix my latex kit! 

I am really sad, sorry, lonely and rather dysfunctional at the moment... All the platitudes and caring phone calls are helpful ...but Not! Y'know? 

I feel like I'm losing it... But I know I've got shit under control, mostly... I keep wanting to cry but only have tears well up... happy, sad, glad... cute dog videos, war movies... reminiscences... here it comes! Blurry tears... !! 
WTF?! FFS! 

I don't want help but... It'd be nice!

Ummm, yeah! 

If you read this... you'd know I'm a kinkster... rubbery and kinky... That makes a lot of things harder. 
I'm also what I'd like to term "a nice bloke" and don't want to take advantage of anyone... not even submissives... which is a bit odd and more than a bit shit! ... 

Fuck, eh?! It's life Jim... but not as we know it! 

I have a drinking problem... I admit ... I'm now thinking of it as fluid-cide... I recently stopped drinking! Worst 36hrs of my life, cold turkey!

I reckon I need to walk into, or at least phone the local piss-tank [ACSO] (rehab) ...which is not an easy order... 
It's admitting defeat! I'm trying by drinking less, usually... setting small goals, tidying my flat; 2-3 jobs a day, sleeping more... 
...it's not working very well!

I now have a bottle of whiskey, and happier, and writing... 

I care, largely because my siblings would be very upset if I got sick or died... Which is the wrong reason, surely. 

I've done drying-out/rehab before... Twice... they give you drugs to calm you and "replace the booze" ... but then it stops! ...And I'm left feeling just as fucked-up as before but sober and clean! 
Maybe I need  pshrink to go along with it... (They're hard to find and get... even on a DVA Card!) 

Sleep is hard... I only need 5-6 hours! If I go to bed at 2200; I'm awake at 0400... What does one do, on the dole at 0400? ...videos, gaming and "a couple of drinks!" which turns into more and more... of course, being a booze-hound! 
I was gainfully employed and 'in control' until I saw a booze-bus... into the van, with two very nice coppers and lost my licence! ...Bugger! That sucks, but it's you're own fault; Pete! ... 

Shit, eh?