20/11/22 16:40:31
Sometime ...one just wants to VENT ones spleen and say how fucked life is and how much it sucks! [and then y' have to edit your own shit typing, LOL!]
From the start... I was lying awake, tossing and turning, arranging sheets and blankets... thinking “Either get up, go for a piss or go back to sleep; dickhead!” ... It's not that hard.
Liver! I wanted Liver... with Bacon and a Beef Gravy!
Cravings are NOT to be discounted... Y' don't crave something y' don't need. The body doesn't crave something it doesn't know...
I'm craving Liver... I know Liver. I've had it before... My body knows it has Iron and Protein and all the good kit...
I've never craved Raspberry Ice-cream as I've never had it... Ergo... Trust a craving!
Not chocolate or tobacco or booze!!! They are hidden by sugar or habit....!!

And... after a shower, a walk, a wait [doing a Kindle Book] and a bus-ride... “Thank-you” Bus-driver... a short wander to the Swooper-Markt...
NO FUCKING Liver! FFS! ...LOL! That was the whole purpose of my trip...
Ha!
Steak and Kidney, of some form, tonight.... There must be some form of sustenance in kidney I crave... probably Iron, I suspect...
We'll see... I'll see, probably.

I've spent my day [Sund'y] on a bus, waiting for a bus, at the Super-Market... waiting for another bus while watching that odd-bloke [it's a bus-stop!] ... and home again to go on-line gobbing-off to friendly folk... some of whom don't deserve it...

Yes... Issues to sort!

Life continues as I sort it... Thank you, everyone that has concerns... I'm OK, just spouting! Venting my spleen, as the phrase happens... 

Pete, gobbing-off; but OK. Rest! Standdown, please. 

Friends are always close but never close enough... Kameraden more so... Siblings are more difficult than Mates... 
It's all good... I'm going nowhere. You read... you know.. I'm a bit fucked up but still OK... 
And... LOL! I've not yet figured what I'll eat... (I have cabbage and spud to go with meat/protein, some fruz peas etc...)

I feel a bit more than a bit pox... but generally OK... somehow, oddly... Maybe, I've spoken/written how krap I feel is cathartic (OMGoodness! A WeBlog?? WTF Saying what I feel.... ) 
Weird... I'm not into expressing my feelings, but I imagine no-one here will notice... [check my stats! It's quiet!] 

Thanks for reading and saying fuck-all... I just want to gob-off and spout shit... No comments or replies are required. 

Pete, Out.

 

 Could you be the one?

(13) Husker Du - Could You Be The One - YouTube

I'm a "bit more than drunk" maybe even 'pissed' and had a lot to drink, if this ever gets to a yankee audience... Yank = 'Murica not Nth v Sth, get over it! 

Fucking yanks, high and almighty... wishing damnation on others! ...That's mighty neighbourly of you "Brother".... 

How's that working for you?

 

15 Nov 22 14:09

September October is now November... I must make a point of doing this more often...

October was Janets b/day, Beersheba Day [a Regimental Birthday] a Memorial Service for two young IETS (Diggers doing Initial Employment Training)

...and krap after krap of hour-long phone calls to Centrelink... over a 2-3 y.o. Dole-Issue. End result? I'm broke and no dole-money for another fortnight or so...

They fucked-up my payments, I'll pay it, that's fair... But NOT all in one-hit... NOT after YEARS!!! Come on!

On-The-Dole... never good, but not unusual. 

The young fellow that received one of my calls, let's call him Aaron, was very helpful, new at his job and had to look-up "IMP" (Income Maintenance Period) as his training didn't cover it... suggested it was a 'misalignment of pay versus reporting periods' and 'give it a week and it should fix itself'... Yeah! Right! Thanks... 

The next was also very helpful, personable and empathetic! She, let's call her Mary, reckoned "that's not right!" and saw how stopping payment "isn't a sensible approach" or words to that affect. I saw the blind judgement of Robo-Debt in affect, again! Mary put in place an inquiry... "which won't fix the problem, immediately" ...two or three weeks, [probably].

Sincerely, thanks Mary!

Today, after reporting my income four days ago, a payment didn't happen, again... 
(Ever since the introduction of "Workforce Australia" reporting and response has turned to shit! Each time, I need to get-on-the-phone, do an hour+ on hold, and sort stuff...)
Today... after a record-breaking 2:01:16 On-Hold, I was told "that's all fixed"... 
"Apparently! So far, so good..." I retorted, kindly and asked why and how this problem arose... 
There was lots of Umms and Arrghs, obfuscation and dodging-blame responses...
I let the poor worker-bee drones know "It's NOT your fault, it's the system! I'm NOT blaming you..." ...but something stinks!

So... after checking my bank account, five hours after "immediate transfer" ...no money has been placed in my account, the matter is unresolved, I'm broke, looking down the barrel of homelessness... and ... a 50+yo bloke without a license doesn't look good to any prospective employer... 

Welcome to ...next?!

...the tears are always present

 ...the tears are always present, funny, sad, puppies.. snuggly pigs, tragic events, hard won battles; et al ... I'm tearing up and wiping my eyes. 
Supressed memories or repressed emotions; I twitch and squirm and dry my eyes... "This is supposed to make me feel happy... Why am I crying?" ......the tears are always present. 

There's some reason, surely... 

I feel more than 'a bit shit'. 

NO EXPIRY DATE ON LEST WE FORGET ! !

 I have a Memorial Service to attend... Which is Good and Shit, at the same time... 

...Two Diggers died, in training, at a School, not attached to a Regiment so beyond the official investigation and dutiful memorial, commiserations to the Family, sadly it went by the by. No bullets flying, no visible enemy... No massive fireballs of exploding helicopters or Active Service, etc... ...Two young Diggers killed in a training accident. 

It was 1988... I'd Corp Transferred from Artillery to Armour and a fellow 107 Bty Signaller [and concurrent Malaysia Veteran] came in on the Course following me... 

Any Army job is potentially dangerous and more kit = more dangerous, in training. 

In battle, more kit is supposed to protect a Digger as he's well trained. 

But the start of training is learning the systems and components... then going out for a show-drive about a week or so later... where the 'Driving and Servicing' Instructor will cautiously let the students "take the sticks"!

Armoured Vehicles [usually called Tanks] are tricky beasts! They are brisky as a Colt, stubborn as a Mule, solid as a Charger and finnicky as a Filly. ...Descended from Cavalry, modern Armour holds the scary and huge image, as well as the pernickety and fragile of horses... 

On the Demonstration Drive... An M113 drove down a steep hill... Demonstrated by the Instructor. 

I've spent many, many hours Driving and Commanding Carriers [M113] and it's usually grinding vibrating routine... But when you're young and new; it's exciting! 

Something went shitful and the world went total pox... a car went wrong on a steep slope and ... Oh Shit!

An accident! Two Diggers died in the accident...  Everyone saw the dust cloud and heard the radio calls... and witnessed the shit-fight yonder. Frantic calls to Range Control, ...triage of the wounded, the time-lapse of the call-then-help... 

I was not on their Course, but the Course prior... I barely remember David Stanley or Rod Slade... a Mate from my previous posting was on that Course so I dropped in, meeting a lot of lads... 

My mate reached out and said "Hey... Do you remember..." 

Mates call mates answer... 

I remember... !! My mate remembers... 
He said and reminded me that " Lest We Forget!" has no expiry date! 

Days later... (After many months of messaging and calls and to-ing and fro-ing to Organise the Memorial Service...) I met with my Mate (who gave me a ride, put me up on a spare bed in his Motel and gave me a beer) and ... 

The Memorial was cathartic, heartfelt, touching and a release... for those poor sorry folk that experienced the trauma of 30+yrs ago. 
I tried not to tear-up... and succeeded. (Yay for me... any everyone else that didn't.
Sadly... but a teary group-hug is NOT the ideal... )

I touched base with many blokes who were still living the trauma... denying it, side-stepping or just adding it to a litany of other horrors... We had beers and told "war-stories" [which have naught to do with Battle, but of funny stuff and pranks and wankers] and kept a stiff upper lip while being Calm and Considerate... 
My Mate gave me a lift to the train... I was proud that I didn't burst into tears, in his hire-car... I wanted too! 

I'll stop now... 

 Someone will eventually read my missives... Maybe forensically... maybe out of sheer curiosity... 

 It's a bit shit, when you can't decide between "can't be bothered/too cold" or... my gear is in rag-order and I'll make it worse if I lube up and put it on.... 
So... I do a lot of vinyl and PVC because it's easier.... 

I must fix my latex kit! 

I am really sad, sorry, lonely and rather dysfunctional at the moment... All the platitudes and caring phone calls are helpful ...but Not! Y'know? 

I feel like I'm losing it... But I know I've got shit under control, mostly... I keep wanting to cry but only have tears well up... happy, sad, glad... cute dog videos, war movies... reminiscences... here it comes! Blurry tears... !! 
WTF?! FFS! 

I don't want help but... It'd be nice!

Ummm, yeah! 

If you read this... you'd know I'm a kinkster... rubbery and kinky... That makes a lot of things harder. 
I'm also what I'd like to term "a nice bloke" and don't want to take advantage of anyone... not even submissives... which is a bit odd and more than a bit shit! ... 

Fuck, eh?! It's life Jim... but not as we know it! 

I have a drinking problem... I admit ... I'm now thinking of it as fluid-cide... I recently stopped drinking! Worst 36hrs of my life, cold turkey!

I reckon I need to walk into, or at least phone the local piss-tank [ACSO] (rehab) ...which is not an easy order... 
It's admitting defeat! I'm trying by drinking less, usually... setting small goals, tidying my flat; 2-3 jobs a day, sleeping more... 
...it's not working very well!

I now have a bottle of whiskey, and happier, and writing... 

I care, largely because my siblings would be very upset if I got sick or died... Which is the wrong reason, surely. 

I've done drying-out/rehab before... Twice... they give you drugs to calm you and "replace the booze" ... but then it stops! ...And I'm left feeling just as fucked-up as before but sober and clean! 
Maybe I need  pshrink to go along with it... (They're hard to find and get... even on a DVA Card!) 

Sleep is hard... I only need 5-6 hours! If I go to bed at 2200; I'm awake at 0400... What does one do, on the dole at 0400? ...videos, gaming and "a couple of drinks!" which turns into more and more... of course, being a booze-hound! 
I was gainfully employed and 'in control' until I saw a booze-bus... into the van, with two very nice coppers and lost my licence! ...Bugger! That sucks, but it's you're own fault; Pete! ... 

Shit, eh?

 I don't often post here, and usually pissed or upset when I do.... Because? Me! 
I've so much to blurt about I don't know where to start... 
Do Not Answer, Don't reply... You may care, but if you know me, you'll know how to contact me... 

I'm not a fan of people, of humans... Most are OK but the rest are dead-set arseholes! Really! 
Traffic... OK Roll your eyes... It's a usual constant in our lives... Why the fuck? WTF do some dickheads need to try to barge through a 60 zone, that's at 40.... heavy traffic, it happens! ...they save 1 second and become ADHD idiots.... Slow the fuck down! Relax!

Sometimes.... I just wander/wonder about people in general... Me included! 

I have SO much to say but .... twitchy and scared when I write.... How fucked is that?

Nevermind! Carry on!